And found in the oddest places. I was in the process of emailing information back and forth whilst preparing to buy a small sailing boat from a man one county up. Almost there, apparently the idiot at the other end finally notoiced my "signature" - that message one can automatically add to all outgoing emails/mine has this website's address! - he was so offended by the reference to condoms - clearly, it meant I was either a nutter or a crook! - he accused me of being a scammer! Whose the nutter!!??
A new supermarket opened near my house. It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.
When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and you experience the scent of fresh mown hay.
In the meat department there is the aroma of charcoal grilled steaks with onions.
When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle, and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.
The bread department features the tantalizing smell of fresh baked bread & cookies.
I don't buy toilet paper there any more.
(yes, it's a joke!!)
>
>At the end of the tax year, the IRS sent an inspector to audit the books of
>a synagogue. While he was checking the books he turned to the Rabbi and
>said:
>
>"I notice you buy a lot of candles. What do you do with the candle
>drippings?"
>"Good question", noted the Rabbi. "We save them up and send them back to
>the candle makers, and every now and then they send us a free box of
>candles.
>
>"Oh", replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question
>had a practical answer. But on he went, in his obnoxious way:
>
>"What about all these biscuit purchases? What do you do with the crumbs?"
>"Ah, yes", replied the Rabbi, realizing that the inspector was trying to
>trap him with an unanswerable question. "We collect them and send them back
>to the manufacturers, and every now and then they send a free box of holy
>biscuits."
>
>"I see!" replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster the
>know-it-all Rabbi. "Well, Rabbi", he went on,"What do you do with all the
>leftover foreskins from the circumcisions you perform?"
>"Here, too, we do not waste", answered the Rabbi. "What we do is save up
>all the foreskins and send them to the IRS, and about once a year they send
>us a complete dick."
A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead
>sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down,
>but lacks the nerve to talk with her.
>
>Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket
>toward the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and
>hands it back.
>
>"Oh my, I am so sorry," the woman says as she pops her eye back in place.
>
>"Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you," she says.
>
>They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the
>theatre followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest
>dreams and he shares his. She listens.
>
>After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her
>place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast. They had a wonderful,
>wonderful
>time.
>
>
>The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy
>is amazed. Everything had been SO incredible!
>
>"You know," he said, "you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every
>guy you meet?"
>
>
>
>"No," she replies.
>
>
>Wait for it.
>
>
>
>
>
>It's coming.
>
>
>
>>>The suspense is killing you, isn't it?
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>She says :
>
>
>
>"You just happened to catch my eye."
>
>
>
>(Oh be quiet, I just forward them!!)
>
Did you know that women were having more sex one hundred years ago than they are in the 21st century?? An obvious culprit is over-busy lives, filled with technology, which means we are not talking to each other any more...at least not in a meaningful way. But the other culprit, at least according to the majority of British women, is shopping. They much prefer it to the "other."
Though I get the raised eyebrow look from some when I say it, looking at history through the lens of human sexuality is a way in which to get a real handle on just how illogical we folks can be...take this week's quirky example. Anyone in Europe will tell you that there are young Polish people EVERYWHERE, working industry, pubs, restaurants, you name it! They are leaving their country in droves, either to make money to send or take home, or simply to find a better life away. So, it made MY eyebrow go up when I read about a new law that has been proposed by the Polish government. So concerned are those wise old men, they want to impose a steep fine on anyone who files for divorce in Poland. This is in response to the sudden incline in divorce in that country; after all, with Poles exiting that poor country in the 100's of 1000's a year, why not take away personal freedoms and private choices!!
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